I'm like a retarded monkey

You'd think I'd remember something as simple as the fact that I don't know shit about html.
Shouldn't that be something that I wouldn't NEED to remember? You'd think that it would just
be common sense. I'd get a wild hair up my ass and decide to make a change or two to my site,
then stop myself before beginning because, Hey! I know shit about it!

I know exactly what I want it to do.... I've seen others do it, but apparently I'd be better
off banging the keyboard with my ass...

Now I'm reduced to poking at it with a stick like a drunken orangutan, in hopes that by some
off-handed miracle, I accidentally stick the right bit of code in to get it to do what I want.

Sure, I should get on one of the ten thousand websites that teach you how to write html
properly, but each time I look at one for some help, my eyes roll into the back of my head
and I start foaming at the mouth.